Let’s be honest with each other. When you hear the words “casual sex,” what comes to mind? Do you think: What a perfect way to satisfy my sexual needs. Or do you think: That sounds like pointless swiping on Tinder and a broken heart…thanks, no.
Casual sex has a huge stigma attached to it because we associate it with anonymity and insensitivity. But casual sex can also be exactly what you need to feel sexy and energized again. The key? Knowing yourself and knowing exactly what you want out of casual sex.
So let’s talk in more detail about the different types of casual sex, how to find out if it’s right for you, and how to make such dates truly fulfilling.
Good reasons for casual sex
First of all, we should know that casual sex doesn’t automatically just mean sex without any other kind of communication. Sure, it can be – but there are also much more positive manifestations of casual sex.
To illustrate, let’s take these scenarios:
- You’re in a phase of life where sex is fun and fulfilling, but you can’t commit to a committed relationship right now: You have a demanding job, too much on your plate, or other reasons.
- You’ve just had a breakup, but before you jump back into a relationship, you want to explore your sexual preferences with other people and gain experience.
- You are in an open relationship and you desire occasional other sexual partners.
- Your preferred relationship vessel is Friends with Benefits.
- You want to have casual sex with other people until one of these people turns out to be a potential serious partner.
As you can see, there are many entry points for casual sex – not to mention many legitimate reasons to try. But is that what you want?
Pros and cons of casual sex (and how to find out if it’s right for you).
On the pro side:
- You experience sex and touch with another human being. That alone has the potential to release endorphins, oxytocin and dopamine – the cocktail of happy hormones in your brain.
- You can hone your skills and try sexual activities to see how certain things feel to you. You may even be more willing to experiment, since the relationship involves little risk.
- You feel sexually attractive and desired: something most of us never tire of.
The contra side
You have an increased risk of STDs and possible pregnancy because you are not yet a well-rehearsed team in terms of procedures. This is sad … but true.
You could be disappointed and heartbroken if the two of you don’t have the same ideas about the relationship.
You could be in for some pretty bad sex if you don’t know what you want or how to communicate it.
You could mess it up for yourself if you’re too drunk during sex -alcohol decreases your sexual sensitivity. (And let’s face it, a lot of one-night stands happen drunk.)
If you know you’re the kind of person who is constantly glued to the phone waiting for the other person to text or call, casual sex is not a smart choice for your mental health.
That’s why it’s so important to know yourself and whether you have any unspoken expectations of the other person.
If this “pro” list is more to your liking and you feel like casual sex is an absolute must for you, then let’s talk about how to make your casual sex really good.
Here’s what else I recommend before you get started:
Identify your desires
Do you want to get over an ex? Do you want to practice your sexual skills? Do you want to have an experience with someone who shares your preferences? If you know what you want, the whole experience will be much more fun.
Set expectations from the start and communicate them
You should be able to confidently tell the other person, “I just want to have noncommittal sex right now.” Don’t be afraid to be very specific about the things you like. Do you need extensive foreplay? Lots of fondling? A strong power dynamic?
Does that sound really good to you? Are you reading right now and thinking to yourself, “OMG! no strings attached sex is just what I need. If you’ve had experiences where you’ve felt used, devalued, or unimportant, stop and acknowledge that maybe it’s not right for you right now. And that’s perfectly okay too.